I guess I didn't want to write here until now. It's hard to admit defeat (in a sense). Well. Okay. I just want to believe that things will be okay. You grow up and people tell you that everyone is good, that love is the word, and then suddenly I find I'm out here and that's not the case.

All I want is to be loved. Just 100% loved. And I want to give that back to a person. How come so many people want to use that to their advantage? Xander turned out to be a huge lie. I can still barely believe it. THAT just does not make sense to me. Caroline was right, people are mean & manipulative. But does that go for my friends? Of course not. So where do you draw the line.

Rambling now while I try and put my late night thoughts together. I've been keeping myself busy with work. It's hard to get on google chat. I see his name come on and SOooo much want to click on it. But I know I can't because he just does not care at all.

Caroline & I are still going to Canada. I can tell she doesn't really want to even though she won't admit it. But I'm already down like 800 bucks for these tickets to Vancouver. I can't imagine what it will be like, being there and knowing that Xander's close by.


On another unrelated note, Micah's new roomate Patrick is really nice. He asked me to go to lunch tomorrow since he just moved here and doesn't know very many places. I was thinking about taking him to Home in Los Feliz. Love that place and their Mashed Potatoes. Mmmm

One week since the "incident" as we are now referring to it. Despite what Caroline says I still refuse to believe that dating totally sucks in LA. I haven't really been looking but I know there's a nice, smart, caring, trustworthy, talented, cute, hot guy around the age of 25 here! How hard can that be to find? This city is so big!!

Totally un-related but guess who got back together?? Micah and Theo! See this is what I mean (to Caroline) good things can still happen! Their relationship (which I didn't even know about until last week) was totally rocky. Evidently they met while Theo was with a guy, they had an affair and then she and Micah went out. THEN he totally surprised her with flowers one night and she was back in bed with someone totally different! All within the 3 weeks that Kevin & spent on a road trip across the country hahaha.

The four of us went out to dinner last night, it was super fun. Don't know if you heard of this restaurant called "Home," it's in silverlake-ish area. Anyway, food is great and the martini's are even better. Theo & Caroline both had one too many, leaving Micah & I to drive to our real *homes.* But then as I'm driving C's car....the muffler just falls out the bottom. Oh my talk about hectic....and then of course it starts raining. Rain. In LA. Can you believe it?

Long story short, they towed the car home - the tow truck driver got Caroline's number....and now Caroline has made the LA subway system her second home.

Also exciting, definitely up for a promotion at my job. Might be assistant editor to the editor at Humble Abode! Won't know more until next week. Will keep you posted.