I guess I didn't want to write here until now. It's hard to admit defeat (in a sense). Well. Okay. I just want to believe that things will be okay. You grow up and people tell you that everyone is good, that love is the word, and then suddenly I find I'm out here and that's not the case.

All I want is to be loved. Just 100% loved. And I want to give that back to a person. How come so many people want to use that to their advantage? Xander turned out to be a huge lie. I can still barely believe it. THAT just does not make sense to me. Caroline was right, people are mean & manipulative. But does that go for my friends? Of course not. So where do you draw the line.

Rambling now while I try and put my late night thoughts together. I've been keeping myself busy with work. It's hard to get on google chat. I see his name come on and SOooo much want to click on it. But I know I can't because he just does not care at all.

Caroline & I are still going to Canada. I can tell she doesn't really want to even though she won't admit it. But I'm already down like 800 bucks for these tickets to Vancouver. I can't imagine what it will be like, being there and knowing that Xander's close by.


On another unrelated note, Micah's new roomate Patrick is really nice. He asked me to go to lunch tomorrow since he just moved here and doesn't know very many places. I was thinking about taking him to Home in Los Feliz. Love that place and their Mashed Potatoes. Mmmm

It's been a while and let me tell you it's because I have just been beyond busy! First of all, I have been promoted at work which means more responsibilities (and a slight raise :) 2nd of all I have been helping Caroline rehearse for a HUGE audition this coming week. and 3rd and BEST of all....I have a new boyfriend!

I really should've written about him sooner but oh my gosh it's just been so exciting. And almost all the free time I would have online we spend video chatting. Everytime I hear the phone...well google video chat phone ring....my heart just goes into a pitter patter and I get all sorts of butterflies.

He is a musician, Xander Falls. How cool of a name is that? I really couldn't ask for a better name. Abby Falls hahaha, love it! Micah thinks I'm being silly but he's one to talk. He and Theo have been going out now for nearly a month! I can tell she totally love it, she bakes all the time and just says the sweetest things to Micah.

Anyway, Xander sadly is not in LA anymore. He was just in town for a week (when we met) but had to go back on tour. Oh wow that is so cool to say. He and Caroline's stepsister seem super close and they started this whole shindig in New York, slowly making their way around the world which leads them tooooo CANADA!

It's a good thing that Caroline doesn't read my blog ( I don't think she's opened her computer since 2008) because it would spoil the surprise. But just in case I'm going to keep my lips sealed...with one hint. we both might be visiting Canada sooner then she knows! Xander really really wants me to come visit and I of course am totally down to go. Tickets are expensive but in about 43 1/2 days I will be flying up north!!!!

Oh my gosh, he's calling now. <3