I guess I didn't want to write here until now. It's hard to admit defeat (in a sense). Well. Okay. I just want to believe that things will be okay. You grow up and people tell you that everyone is good, that love is the word, and then suddenly I find I'm out here and that's not the case.

All I want is to be loved. Just 100% loved. And I want to give that back to a person. How come so many people want to use that to their advantage? Xander turned out to be a huge lie. I can still barely believe it. THAT just does not make sense to me. Caroline was right, people are mean & manipulative. But does that go for my friends? Of course not. So where do you draw the line.

Rambling now while I try and put my late night thoughts together. I've been keeping myself busy with work. It's hard to get on google chat. I see his name come on and SOooo much want to click on it. But I know I can't because he just does not care at all.

Caroline & I are still going to Canada. I can tell she doesn't really want to even though she won't admit it. But I'm already down like 800 bucks for these tickets to Vancouver. I can't imagine what it will be like, being there and knowing that Xander's close by.


On another unrelated note, Micah's new roomate Patrick is really nice. He asked me to go to lunch tomorrow since he just moved here and doesn't know very many places. I was thinking about taking him to Home in Los Feliz. Love that place and their Mashed Potatoes. Mmmm

It's been a while and let me tell you it's because I have just been beyond busy! First of all, I have been promoted at work which means more responsibilities (and a slight raise :) 2nd of all I have been helping Caroline rehearse for a HUGE audition this coming week. and 3rd and BEST of all....I have a new boyfriend!

I really should've written about him sooner but oh my gosh it's just been so exciting. And almost all the free time I would have online we spend video chatting. Everytime I hear the phone...well google video chat phone ring....my heart just goes into a pitter patter and I get all sorts of butterflies.

He is a musician, Xander Falls. How cool of a name is that? I really couldn't ask for a better name. Abby Falls hahaha, love it! Micah thinks I'm being silly but he's one to talk. He and Theo have been going out now for nearly a month! I can tell she totally love it, she bakes all the time and just says the sweetest things to Micah.

Anyway, Xander sadly is not in LA anymore. He was just in town for a week (when we met) but had to go back on tour. Oh wow that is so cool to say. He and Caroline's stepsister seem super close and they started this whole shindig in New York, slowly making their way around the world which leads them tooooo CANADA!

It's a good thing that Caroline doesn't read my blog ( I don't think she's opened her computer since 2008) because it would spoil the surprise. But just in case I'm going to keep my lips sealed...with one hint. we both might be visiting Canada sooner then she knows! Xander really really wants me to come visit and I of course am totally down to go. Tickets are expensive but in about 43 1/2 days I will be flying up north!!!!

Oh my gosh, he's calling now. <3

One week since the "incident" as we are now referring to it. Despite what Caroline says I still refuse to believe that dating totally sucks in LA. I haven't really been looking but I know there's a nice, smart, caring, trustworthy, talented, cute, hot guy around the age of 25 here! How hard can that be to find? This city is so big!!

Totally un-related but guess who got back together?? Micah and Theo! See this is what I mean (to Caroline) good things can still happen! Their relationship (which I didn't even know about until last week) was totally rocky. Evidently they met while Theo was with a guy, they had an affair and then she and Micah went out. THEN he totally surprised her with flowers one night and she was back in bed with someone totally different! All within the 3 weeks that Kevin & spent on a road trip across the country hahaha.

The four of us went out to dinner last night, it was super fun. Don't know if you heard of this restaurant called "Home," it's in silverlake-ish area. Anyway, food is great and the martini's are even better. Theo & Caroline both had one too many, leaving Micah & I to drive to our real *homes.* But then as I'm driving C's car....the muffler just falls out the bottom. Oh my talk about hectic....and then of course it starts raining. Rain. In LA. Can you believe it?

Long story short, they towed the car home - the tow truck driver got Caroline's number....and now Caroline has made the LA subway system her second home.

Also exciting, definitely up for a promotion at my job. Might be assistant editor to the editor at Humble Abode! Won't know more until next week. Will keep you posted.

Well, Micah's party was uhm...eventful? Hahaha.

So I've been single now for 3 1/2 months, Dating for I guess two weeks and so far I'm not really impressed with this whole thing.

My main thing is I thought that people would at least still be honest. After two failed attempts, I have decided here and now to really get to know someone before anything crazy happens. I always thought before that when people asked you out they were single. I had no idea that you had to ask that after you'd already started talking! I feel like there should be a manual of everything different since high school haha. There probably is. All I know is Kevin walked up to me in the tennis courts and asked me out. So cute.

Speaking of high school. Ran into my ex from 10th grade and turns out, he's just as bad! We went out maybe like 5 months before Kevin and I, from about Dec-March. Oh my gosh, We probably spend every lunch in the 3rd floor stairwell making out :P But then who knows, it sizzled? I also heard from a few people that he might've been going to a stairwell with another girl . Anywho, totally random he was at Micah's party (I guess they kind of stayed friends) and while he's there he asks me out, says we would be perfect for each other, then turns out...he has a girlfriend!

And if that wasn't bad enough, that guy I was talking about in the blog earlier. He's engaged! Can you believe that? I think I'm kind of done with dating for a little bit to say the least. Caroline wants me to meet her new beau's friends. But I don't think I'll go. Her relationships don't usually last past the hangover anyway hahah :P love you C.

In conclusion, not more blind dates and always ask if they're single. I really doubt anyone would lie about that.

Okay, I don't know what it is about oldies, but they seem so timeless/amazing to me! Listening to Hay Baby by Bruce Channel right now. Just the crisp sound of the older recordings, or maybe it's just I wish someone would sing this song to me hahaha. Now "Why Do Fools Fall in love" by The Essex.....Why do I feel like this blog post will just turn into me narrating my pandora playlist.

Anywho, so.....yeah. That big date I was telling you about? Turns out he wasn't...quite the right guy for me. Hopefully he won't read this either. Lets hope Harold doesn't have a link to my blog. I'm not really sure why he thought we would be compatible, like really I thought Harold was a smart guy, and he sets me up  with.....that guy. I can't even say his name.

Let me just say though, without my friends oh man I don't know what I would've done. I was so so so nervous before hand. And then afterwords thank goodness Caroline hadn't really wandered far. She claims it was her third eye, I think it was more that her car is broken down and she can't really drive it hahah.

But, bad date aside....I, well, I think I've met someone...someone to date in the future that is? Or we did date. Or. Sheesh I don't know how this whole thing works. I mean we haven't really spoken since we last met. hehehe now "Come and go with me" by the Del-Vikings on pandora, perfect!

Caroline & Micah don't think there's really a future there. They're probably right.  How does it work if you sleep with someone once then they live in another country/continent?

So Micah's having a party tonight, my friend Theo just got back into town. She does make up for films and was shooting one in Mexico City! Exciting. What to bring to the party.....maybe fosters! lol, Un-related but I started saving up for a trip to Australia with Caroline. I'm thinking this summer :)

It's Saturday morning and I a ready to go! Last night was so SO much fun, Micah, Caroline, a few other friends & I went to Karaoke in Koreatown. That is what I absolutely love about Los Angeles, there is always a new place to discovery. I swear I almost died of laughter when Micah & Caroline did Heartbreaker by Pat Benetar together then somehow I ended up on stage  for the end.

It all started at the end of the work day yesterday. I was working on a magazine spread for Humble Abode and my co-worker...I guess now friend? Harold came over totally out of the blue. He had over-heard me talking to another friend about how I really wanted to go on a date again but was nervous since...basically I've never been on one with anyone other then Kevin before. (I mean there was my 10th grade boyfriend Christian, but I don't think that counts) Anywho, he said he had the perfect friend for me, charming, easy-going, confident, a great ice-breaker first day. I quickly learned that his name is Lloyd, he works in internet advertising and he is a Taurus. Perfect!

But before I could spill all the details to Micah he told me even better news! He got promoted to Manager at the Apple Store! Micah's been working super hard ever since I've known him to climb up the ladder so to speak, and I feel like a steady promotion every year is a pretty good sign. Way to go Micah! ;)

So of course we all met up at my house (Micah lives in Santa Monica and I don't think Caroline's ever been west of Fairfax). Being in Hollywood I'm totally in the middle of both of them. Anywho, 3 turned into 5 turned into 10 which turned into a SUBWAY adventure to Koreatown. Yes. We used the LA subway.

Even though we got back really late, I try to get up early on Saturday's anyway, get a coffee and morning paper. Stay current. So world, that's the update. Abby & Lloyd. Got a nice ring to it doesn't it?

So, here I am. I've been single now for almost three months. And don't get me wrong, it's been really fun. I've been able to put in more time at Humble Abode (the interior decorating magazine I work at). I really feel like my time here will manifest into some great opportunities down the line for when I take the plunge into decorating myself.

However, I find myself sometimes stuck on wondering what went wrong with Kevin and I. I asked Caroline what she thought and she said, "Well ya'll were in a relationship, that's your problem there." In college it would be weird if the same guy showed up in our dorm room more then once haha, so in hindsight I don't think she was the ideal candidate to ask that question.

I mean, Kevin and I went out for eight years. I totally thought he was the one, I should've figured it out though when he said he saw us living in Connecticut. That day I tried on an argyle sweater in a store....not for me. Then there was after college, we both said when we graduated we'd move to LA. And suddenly he wants to move back home to San Diego and have kids when we're like 26! It was like graduating college changed him completely.

Here's one of my favorite pictures of us :) http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=34037153&id=35800546#!/photo.php?fbid=190467777638284&set=a.190467770971618.44408.183435618341500

So here I am now, in LA, working, playing, but in the past week or so this weird feeling has come over me. Maybe restlessness? Maybe it's time to get back out there and date again. Just sheesh, I don't want to waste my time with someone. We only get one life so I think that a person should spend what little time they have with people they want too haha.

Rambling blog done.

So I was completely set on not celebrating my birthday this year. The holidays were so crazy and just different considering it was my first New Year's Eve without anyone to kiss at midnight. This year I switched it up and made the gang celebrate New Years all over the world, of course by the time we celebrated London's.....Paris's ..... New York's... Little Rock's... then Denver's... it took all we had to get that Champagne bottle open for LA's, but of course Caroline is a pro! Have you ever seen someone open one with a knife?! Me either, but C can do it with her flask - seriously a woman of many talents. 

 Anyway, back to the celebration of my birth. After Micah begged me to go to the Chinese take out place instead of actually taking out - I should have known something was up. Sure enough my amazing friends were all waiting outside and within a blink--- The best birthday party ever ensued! I'm not even sure how much I had to drink but I'll be honest- between those cocktails and C and I having our very own dance party -  it felt great! I really felt like my own person, I wasn't worried about everyone else in the room, just me, my best friends and a birthday hat. I don't' think I'll ever get tired of those things; )

I think the weirdest thing about breaking up with someone is making entirely new routines. Like when you're with someone, without realizing it interacting with them becomes just as much a part of your day as brushing your teeth. You wake up, they're there. You talk, go over your day. One person gets the shower first, the other gets the paper.

Kevin and I picked out this apartment together, that's why it's so freaking big. I mean, I don't need this much space. Silly me for signing the lease myself.  I think we both knew going into it what was going to happen, but who wants to call out the elephant in the room?

Micah & Caroline have been super awesome while all this is going on. On nights Kevin and I would've just stayed in and watched a movie, Micah always shows up with some Egg rolls and I Love Lucy! (we finished Seinfeld & SNL Seasons 1-3 in college) Obviously a lot of studying got done at Stanford haha.

And of course the never un-eventful 2AM visits from Caroline. I honestly cannot understand how one person can lock their keys in their car that much. I'm not complaining, usually on nights she's going out I prepare and go to sleep earlier knowing I might get woken up in the middle of the night....At which point I put in I love Lucy again while she goes through the leftover mushu.

In the end...probably for the best that Kevin won't be working at Humble Abode with me. Nice to be just Abby for a change. Get my own paper, take as long as I want in the shower. Heck, maybe I'll even walk around the apartment nak.....no. no. that's not going to happen. Polar Bear Pajamas

First post of the year.

It's odd to think how much can really change in a month. I look back on the older posts and, I guess I knew it was coming. It's hard to even say in the blog, I suppose I should just write it out to make it real, or whatever.

Kevin and I broke up. Wow, why did that take me so long to type? That's like saying I moved to France or decided to join the army haha. Kevin has been my other half since I was 16  and now he's not. Seven years.

Maybe it's for the best, I mean he's so far in San Diego now. We were supposed to move to LA together and both work at the same magazine, but for whatever reason he decided not to a year ago. I should've known then, I think we both did. But you spend so much time with someone, you don't want to just give in that easy.

I guess what matters is that we tried....right?